


Seasonal Warfare

by notyourearthlogic



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 23:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13110528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notyourearthlogic/pseuds/notyourearthlogic
Summary: Qrow had once tried to explain to Tai exactly why he and Raven didn't do festive stuff but it only seemed to have made Tai more determined to be Qrow's loud, obnoxious Christmas fairy.





	Seasonal Warfare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> A Secret Santa gift for TheGeekyArtist! Prompt: Ozpin, Qrow, Oscar, Christmas/Yule 
> 
> I hope that it's okay that it's an office au, have a great nondescript winter holiday!

Seasonal Warfare

The first act of war came mid-October. Qrow probably should have expected it, but he'd thought that he would at least have until after Halloween to prepare. Then this was Tai.

Qrow glared. The stuffed reindeer perched on his keyboard stared back with its beady, soulless plastic eyes.

-

'How could you. ' Tai said in a tone of deep accusation, looming behind Qrow's desk. 'This is mur-deer.' In one hand he held the reindeer's severed head, in the other it's body sprouted white stuffing from the neck.

Not even Qrow's computer crashing for the second time that morning or even Tai's terrible pun could put a dent in Qrow's scissor related toy homicide high. 'Thought you could use an extra Halloween decoration.'

'Santa is judging you.'

-

Beacon was a small, independent newspaper that distributed across Vale in various grocery stores. Its sales were nothing like the print produced by the largest and most well known news sources like The Mirror, another minor branch of the vast Schnee empire which incorporated several media outlets, a network of banks and a line of beauty products, but it had a loyal following and didn't involve working for Jacques Schnee who was by all accounts a giant cock waffle. Tai started working for them immediately after Team STRQ (Summer was surprisingly competitive at pub quizzes, in the makes-Raven-look-laid-back sort of legendarily competitive) graduated university and never left. Qrow had tried teaching for a while (gods know exactly why he'd thought that was a good life choice, he'd rather face down a giant scorpion than another overbearing parent) and while he hadn't technically been fired, he'd been let go with the velocity of an anvil dropping off a skyscraper. Apparently his "unconventional teaching methods" didn't reach official health and safety standards. Then Raven's court trial had started and Summer was sick and he'd felt useless and pathetic and drink was the only thing that seemed to drown out the helplessness. Things seemed hopeless for far too long but Summer slowly got better, he got clean, Raven only shanked a couple of people in prison and when a position came up at Beacon, Tai and Summer ganged up on him until he applied and somehow, he was a journalist. It'd been a year and it still felt surreal, he'd never seen himself in an office job and Tai, had naturally decided that the best way to ease him into it was seasonal warfare.

Tai didn't believe in doing anything halfway and this applied doubly to festive holidays. At Halloween the Xiao Long/Rose house turned into a haunted mansion with a small army of plastic zombies and skeletons and fake spider cobwebs draped over every inch. Summer was usually most of Tai's impulse control but when it came to anything remotely festive she was just as enthusiastic as he was. The girls loved it, trick or treating had been a serious business when they were younger to be conducted with the level of planning usually carried out for a bank heist and by the end of the night they would be sugar high whirlwinds.

Come November the house gradually turned into a Santa's Grotto, complete with enough Christmas lights that it could be mistaken for an airport runway. Tai's desk also started to sprout various sparkly things, a snowglobe, a miniature Christmas tree and enough tinsel that it started to spread out and consume the office.

-

Qrow had once tried to explain to Tai exactly why he and Raven didn't do festive stuff, that the people who raised them hadn't exactly been into goodwill for all men ('Raven stabbed another kid with a fork for turkey?!' 'Darwinian principles: the strong get turkey.' 'Cults suck.') but it only seemed to have made Tai more determined to be Qrow's loud, obnoxious Christmas fairy.

Tai had clearly conducted a sneak attack. It looked as though he'd hung up a piñata filled with tinsel and then punched it until it exploded all over Qrow's desk. Then added an elf for good measure. At least Qrow assumed it was supposed to be an elf because it was wearing an appropriate hat, but its lopsided painted eyes and manic grin made it more resemble a goblin that had wandered into Santa's workshop by mistake. Qrow was going to have nightmares. He grimaced, plucked up the thing holding it as far away from him as possible and turned to throw it into the trash.

'I see you're embracing the Christmas spirit, Mr Branwen.' That was Oz's voice, he'd appeared behind Qrow like some kind of manager ninja.

Qrow's track record with authority figures was bad, to put it very mildly. He'd spent the entire interview for Beacon wavering between complete and utter terror and nihilistic apathy because he was never going to get this job while Ozpin smiled at him as though he could see every single panicked thought flapping around in Qrow's brain and offered him cookies. Even after the absolute shock of being offered the position had sunk in, he'd spent the first few months on edge whenever he was around Ozpin waiting for the polite warm persona to break and reveal the sociopathic asshole lying beneath just like everyone else that Qrow had met in a position of power.

Gradually though he started to realise that it wasn't just put on, that the caffeine addict with a hidden streak of sarcasm who liked to show off ridiculously over elaborate power point presentations about "landing strategies" was all genuine Ozpin. Then Qrow had his first big story, a piece of information Junior let slip, a favour from Raven (Qrow tried not to think about how she'd expect him to pay it back) made some of her old "associates" more willing to talk and a picture started to appear. The White Fang were involved in Roman Torchwick's most recent operations moving shipments of weaponry and the most lethal drug on the street, Dust. It was a crazy scramble trying to get the story ready in time to print so they could claim the scoop before anyone else, but Ozpin didn't even bat an eyelid when Qrow slipped and called him Oz at 3am, just kept offering him more eye wateringly strong coffee like Qrow's own personal barista. The paper printed the next day with Qrow's writing on the front page and the paper's sales peaked to a record high. From then on he had settled into something with Oz that Qrow would tentatively call a friendship, and if sometimes he thought about sliding off Oz's ridiculous glasses and gazing into his eyes like he was a character off one of those sappy romantic movies that made Tai cry it was just an impossible daydream. Oz was the most put together human being on the planet and Qrow was a trainwreck who didn't own a single pair of matching socks.

Oz was not in a suit. Oz was wearing a jumper. It was lime green with a darker green Christmas tree in the centre with brightly coloured baubles on the end of each branch. It was possible that Qrow was in trouble when his first thought after the initial shock was "adorable" rather than "that's hideous". 

'Yeah, just decorating,' Qrow heard himself say. An internal voice started demanding just what the hell he was doing, it sounded a lot like Raven. The Tai imposter currently possessing his body waggled the elf that he was apparently still holding. The elf's hat fell off. 

'I must confess, this is my only festive gesture so far,' Ozpin indicated the jumper. 'I have yet even to begin decorating, I'm depriving Oscar. I must learn a lesson from Mr. Xiao-Long about the joys of the season.'

'Joys,' Qrow said blankly. 'Right.'

Oz smiled at him. The baubles on the Christmas tree on his jumper lit up and flashed twice.

'Wow, I would just love to take all the credit, but it's really all Qrow!' What was Tai doing, why was he winking at Qrow over Oz's shoulder. 'He's just mad about Christmas!' 

A sudden premonition of doom started flashing in Qrow's head with the same headache inducing intensity as the office's fire alarm.

'Oh really?' Oz said, radiating mild amusement. 

'Totally!' Tai chirped, ignoring Qrow's increasingly frantic "abort, abort!" gestures. The bastard. 'You should get him to help you with your decorations at home!'

'Another hand wouldn't go amiss...' Holy shit, was Oz actually considering it? 'But I wouldn't want to impose on Mr Branwen.'

'Nah, he'd love to! Wouldn't you Qrow?'

Great, now he couldn't refuse without looking like an asshole. '... Sure.'

Qrow hadn't seen Tai grin this much since Yang punched a kid that was trying to pick on Ruby on sport's day. Now he was giving Qrow two thumbs up. Qrow was going to kill him. No wait, that wouldn't be fair on the rest of the family. Qrow was going to wait until he fell asleep and then shave off the thing living on his chin.

-

Technology had a vendetta against Qrow. Computers crashed when he looked at them, he had lost count of the number of scrolls he'd owned that had died various improbable deaths and how was he supposed to know that you weren't supposed to put foil in the microwave. He was basically a bad luck charm for anything electronic which really helped when a lot of his work revolved around a computer. At least he had entered some sort of truce with his own computer where it only crashed about five times a day and Qrow didn't throw his keyboard across the room in a mindless rage. He'd also developed a finely tuned sense of paranoia about saving his work. He had another nemesis in the office.

It said a lot about Qrow's state of mind that he was willing to approach the printer as a distraction from the mostly incoherent panicking going on in his head. Qrow eyed the printer. The printer somehow gave off the sense of a cornered animal, ears flattened, fur raised. Qrow gave it a cautious prod. The printer emitted a startingly loud beep. An alarm call; predator spotted.

'Step away from the machine.' Qrow didn't argue with that tone, he valued his life. 

'I wasn't doing anything!'

Glynda silenced him with a single raised eyebrow. 'If you break that machine before I print this, you will write it out by hand.' Naturally the printer practically purred as it immediately spat out whatever Glynda wanted. She gestured imperiously at Qrow's pass and he handed it to her so she could deal with the printer for him.

'So... Oz's Christmas jumper is really something, huh.' Subtle. 'I mean... I just didn't see Oz as someone who would be crazy about "Deck the Halls" and all that.'

Glynda watched him stutter for a long moment, she seemed to be weighing up what to say. 'I believe that you joined us a little over a year ago? How much do you remember of the last Christmas at Beacon?'

'I'd just been around for a few months... I guess that I didn't see much of Oz then. I heard he was going through a divorce but that's all I know, it wasn't any of my business so I didn't ask about it.'

Glynda nodded. 'It was... a difficult time for him. I believe that Ozpin wants to try harder this Christmas for Oscar to make up for last year.'

Well now Qrow felt like a tool and his inner panic was growing. Oz wanted to make this Christmas special and he'd ended up with Qrow for assistance, who was the one person in the office most likely to receive a lump of coal, if he actually put out a stocking.

Glynda handed over his paperwork. 'Take him coffee and walnut cake, it's his favourite.'

'Okay thanks,' Qrow said absentmindedly. A second later the terrible implications fell into place. '... Does everyone know?'

'Yes.'

He was going to set Tai's face scruff on fire.

\- 

Ozpin lived in the sort of postcode that made Qrow feel as though someone was going to appear and escort him out of the area at any moment. Standing on Ozpin's doorstep he was excruciatingly aware of just what a terrible idea this was, Ozpin was going to figure out that he was a Christmas imposter immediately.

The door opened. Qrow panicked and thrust the slightly squashed coffee and walnut cake into Ozpin's arms. 'Cake. I brought cake.'

'Ah, coffee and walnut cake, a particular weakness of mine. That's very thoughtful of you Qrow, do come in.'

Was it too late, Qrow wondered, to tell Oz that he'd suddenly remembered that he had an allergy to baubles.

-

How exactly was it so hard to get lights on a tree. Qrow attempted for the hundredth time to hook a bulb on to a branch. 'Do you have to get a degree in rocket science to get these things on?'

'I hear that it helps. You're doing very well so far.'

'When these explode and set your tree on fire, don't blame me.' There was a comfortable easiness between them now in the office, but there was always a certain amount of reserve to Oz at work. To see him now smiling openly at Qrow, unguarded, makes something in Qrow ache bittersweet. 

There's the sound of someone opening the front door and then a boy with dark hair and freckles wanders through into the room with them. He has Oz's eyes but they're wary when he glances over to Qrow.

'Ah, Oscar! This is Qrow who I was telling you about. Are you going to help us decorate?'

'Uh, sure I guess. What are you doing?' 

Oscar somehow manages to make putting the fairy lights up look easy. Next Oz brings out a box full of decorations including some that look like they've fallen straight out of a steampunk novel with gears and pieces of clockwork attached to them.

Oz is gentle as he unwraps them from a protective layer of bubble wrap and holds them up to the light. 'These have been in the family for some time. My great-grandfather was a clockmaker and, as my grandmother tells it, an old clock was brought to him that was broken beyond repair, but he couldn't bear for it to be thrown away and destroyed so he created these instead.'

As the tallest people in the room, Oz and Qrow end up putting tinsel everywhere they can reach while Oscar finishes the decorations. After they've finished everything is colourful and sparkling and there's this weird sort of glow in Qrow's chest that might be the Christmas spirit that Tai keeps going on about or might just be the first sign that he's coming down with seasonal flu.

'Marvellous, I shall go and fetch celebratory hot chocolates for us all.' Oz heads out to the kitchen and Qrow looks over at Oscar awkwardly. What exactly does he talk about with Ruby and Yang again?

'So... have you tried Vytal Fighters 4 yet?'

'No?'

Try again. 'Your dad seems to be really excited about Christmas.'

Oscar snorts. 'He's trying way too hard, this is a stupid amount of tinsel.'

'Hey, my friend would say that you can still see the ceiling so there's not enough tinsel.'

That surprises a laugh out of Oscar. He looks at Qrow for a minute and then gives a mischievous grin that's pure Oz. 'So when are you going to ask my dad out?'

Oz steps back into the room with a tray full of steaming mugs just in time to see Qrow spluttering and waving his arms like he's drowning in the fountain outside the office.

It's while he's drinking the sugary bliss that is Oz's hot chocolate and attempting not to think about wiping away the foam moustache on Oz's upper lip while Oscar smirks at him from across the room that he realises he desperately wants to stay here with them both and that's terrifying.

-

If Tai doesn't stop texting him in all caps with emojis, he's going to throw his phone out the window.

-

At some point the Beacon Christmas party ended up merging with the Xiao Long/Rose party and now everyone from the office just shows up at Tai's house along with their families and Ruby and Yang's friends.

Qrow arrives in time to see Ruby shriek and tackle Penny who giggles and swings her around. In another corner he can see Blake, Yang and Weiss, heir to the Schnee empire and proof that no one can resist Ruby's power of friendship, huddled together talking.

'He won't tell me anything,' and here comes the interrogation. 'Summer make him tell us.'

'Stop it Tai,' Summer swats his shoulder. 'Qrow will tell us when he's ready. Which is going to be now because he's our best friend and we're dying of curiosity.' Her expectant look is impossible to resist.

'It was good?'

'Details!' 

'Oscar asked me whether I was going to ask his dad out.' Shit, there goes his brain to mouth filter. Tai and Summer both shriek like Qrow's just won the grand prize on a quiz show. 

'Right,' Qrow winces because there's the sort of intensity in Summer's eyes that usually only appears when she's baking cookies. She barely comes up to his shoulder but her grip on his arm is pure steel. 'We are going to find him right now.'

'What? No!' Qrow squirms uselessly in her grasp. Summer ignores him, surveying the crowd while Tai laughs hysterically in the background. 

'Glynda!' Summer waves and Glynda turns towards them. Qrow feels his stomach drop. Glynda always knows exactly where Oz is, she appears to have some sort of internal Oz compass. Or it's possible that she's put a tracker on him.

'I saw him leave through the gate at the end of the garden,' she smirks at Qrow. 'Good luck.'

'Thanks!' Summer chirps, dragging Qrow through the crowd.

'Summer, wait!' Qrow pulls back, attempting to stop some of their forward momentum. 'Just let me go.'

Summer turns and glares at him. 'Promise that you'll talk to him.'

'I... okay. I promise.'

Summer sighs but finally releases him. 'You deserve to be happy, both of you.' When she hugs him, he clings to her for a long moment trying to borrow a little of her courage.

-

He hears quiet voices when he steps through the gate and when he looks over he can see two figures perched together on a log at the edge of the tree line where the forest begins outside Tai and Summer's house. One of them is Glynda's new intern, a young blonde who Qrow's just seen briefly running from one point to another looking stressed. Jack? No, Jaune. For once he doesn't look worried, he's gesturing, talking animatedly and it's Oscar who's with him and watching him attentively. Even from where he's standing Qrow can see the trace of a dark flush on Oscar's face. Neither of them notice him.

There's a rough path ahead that leads into the forest illuminated by the moonlight, he follows it and there's a flash of green vivid amongst all the red leaves and bare branches. Oz turns sharply as he approaches.

'It's just me.'

'Qrow, were you looking for me? I just felt momentarily overwhelmed at the party, I'll return shortly.'

He looks ethereal in the moonlight, like some kind of forest spirit. Summer's wrong, Qrow doesn't deserve Oz, but he wants to be selfish. He wants to sit in a room with Oz and Oscar again and know that he belongs somewhere.

'I hate Christmas.'

'Qrow?'

'All that stuff Tai said about me loving it is bullshit, but being together with you and Oscar that was the first time that I've got why everyone goes on about it.'

Oz steps towards him. Qrow can smell his cologne, like mint and ozone.

'Would,' Oz says quietly, 'you believe that I was just looking for an excuse to extend an invitation to you?'

Qrow's heart kicks against his ribs.

Then Oz glances up suddenly and laughs. 'How very appropriate.' He points and Qrow squints up into the branches.

'Is that...'

'Indeed, we appear to be standing beneath some mistletoe.'

Oz stills when Qrow gently slides his glasses away. His eyes are wide and dark. When they kiss, Qrow soars.

The first flakes of snow touch their skin like feathers.


End file.
